School is back

Sorry it's been awhile since I posted, folks. That second internship at the USU Press kept me really busy up until school started. Some good news and some bad news following the first week back on campus: I was lucky enough to make it into Dr. Sinor's Creative Nonfiction Writing class, which I am very excited for! Plus, the focus of my Prose Studies class is autobiography, so the two classes will reflect off each other and I will learn more than I could taking each class singly. The bad news is that I did not make it into Dr. McCuskey's British Writers class all about Jane Austen, and I don't think I can audit the class. I might talk with him tomorrow and see if we can work something out so I can learn to read Jane Austen critically without actually being in the class. Other than that, I'm good to go! Lots of reading and writing to do already, but that's why I'm an English major.

I have a correction to make for my previous posts. I am not entering the May Swenson Poetry contest even though that would be a great opportunity for me to grow as a writer. I decided I should probably start studying for the GRE and write poetry when the creative urge hits me. Poetry never sounds or feels good when you try to force it.

Since I am no longer entering the contest, I thought I'd share with you my "midnight poetry" from the last post. Let me know what you think.

Today I ate a grapefruit

and now Orange describes everything

as I sit in the sun:

the glow through my eyelids

the radiation of heat from my center

the calm energy of this yoga pose

the sour citrus taste on my tongue

even the cricket-song of sunset

puncuated by the crunch of dry grass.

Yay for writing

I couldn't fall asleep last night, so I wrote some "midnight poetry" at 2 am. The desire and inspiration to write is such a good feeling! The problem is that now I want to post it here; I hadn't realized how much sharing my writing on the internet contributes to my attitude about writing. Let me know if you want to read it, or if you think I wouldn't be disqualified from the May Swenson Poetry Award by posting it here.

I'm also thinking about advertising myself on campus as a freelance editor. I'm thinking with two internships at the Press, my job as a Rhetoric Associate, and currently being trained as a copyeditor that I have experience to do scholarly/research papers; I also think that with my experience in creative writing and the fact that I'm a senior in that major I could also freelance creative work. Let me know what you think.

The May Swenson Poetry Award

...is my new deadline. I've already posted how strange it feels to have a large percentage of my no-assignment, no-deadline writing take the form of poetry, and now I'm doing something even stranger: trying to write even more of the genre I've never previously had feelings for, and get it peer-reviewed and edited and as perfect as possible, and submitted to (my favorite place) the USU Press for the May Swenson Poetry Award BY SEPTEMBER 30. Am I crazy?

So this means lots of work. The submissions must be unpublished, so only first drafts have the potential of making it onto the blog, and then probably not many. Mostly I will probably keep you updated about the process and what I'm learning, maybe a few troublesome lines or deep questions I'm pondering. If you want to help me out and peer review some of the poems (50 to 100 pages, one poem per page--AAH!), let me know and I will find a way to get some to you! I need all the help I can get!

How many poems a week do you think it's reasonable to expect myself to produce? Remember I have to have time to edit and get them peer-reviewed, too. Ten weeks between now and then, subtract a two-week cushion, equals eight weeks to write. Aim for 75 poems (middle of 50 and 100), divided by 8 weeks...basically I'd have to write (at least) one poem every day. That's a lot more writing than I've ever done.

Tell me what you think of this idea: Shanan Ballam was my Poetry Writing teacher this spring, and since she writes a lot, she's been published, she has her MFA, and she was my teacher of poetry, I'm thinking about emailing her and seeing if we can establish some sort of mentor relationship. Meeting with her once or twice a week would be very helpful for my writing because not only would I be discussing my poetry with someone who knows what she's talking about, but I would have more and closer deadlines and the writing would feel more like an assignment, the two things that I lack over the summer. The only thing is that it's still summer break, so the beginning of this relationship might be mostly email-based, which is okay. Even if I don't earn the May Swenson Poetry Award, Shanan would know of other publishing venues, like journals (or databases of them), and be able to help me either write for a journal's guidelines or find some that are likely to accept my style. Of course, the real goal here (besides an improvement in writing, a bigger portfolio, and a better chance of getting published) is to get another letter of recommendation for grad school. That way I'd have one for my creative work, one for my academic work (Dr. McCuskey, hopefully), and one for my publishing experience (John from the USU Press).

And they tell you who the judge is on the guidelines website (http://www.usu.edu/usupress/poetry_award/), so now I'm nervous. Grace Schulman sounds incredible. Should I read some of her poetry collections? Some poetry in general probably, just to sort of immerse myself in the situation and the genre, but should I read hers specifically? How much?

This is a lot to do and think about, on top of grad school research and materials, GRE studying, working at Walmart as much as possible to afford tuition, my internship at the Press, reading (hopefully) Atlas Shrugged for a scholarship essay (conveniently due in the middle of September...), and any other kind of writing.

If anybody sees me wasting time, such as watching TV, will you please smile and remind me that I have writing to do so you can see a published book of my poetry? Thanks.

Question 5:

Someone whose opinion I value greatly read that poem yesterday and commented that the switch from comical to serious seemed a bit harsh for her. This led me to think: how would the poem change if it ended with the comical "What thunderous snores..." line? Is the realization of how loud his snores must be enough of a twist at the end for the poem to feel done? Can the poem function as simply a funny take-off of a nursery rhyme?

And Question 6: Any ideas for a title? It'd be great if the title made readers think about the poem differently or see something new in it the second time around.

Hallelujah!

I started writing again today! Woot! I'm not sure if I'm going to write that memoir about Megan; maybe, but I'd have to do it all from scratch, and that's hard when you've already started the project in a different form (like, say, a badly written version of the memoir from when you were 16...). Today I wrote a poem. Actually, I expanded on an idea I had for a poem in January, but that I couldn't find a direction for in my Poetry Writing class. Hopefully this means I have successfully psyched myself into writing something every day; the more seriously I consider grad school, the more things I have to do yesterday to make myself a competitive applicant (the acceptance rate for the school I really want to go to is about 50 seats to 150 applicants--yikes). Sometime this week I need to go to Testing Services and figure out how to register for the September GRE, then go to Hastings and buy the book my brother told me to study from. I need to write something every day, so that a) my writing improves, b) I'll have a bigger portfolio, and c) I might get scholarships, published, and/or go to conference(s). I need to read every day to expand my knowledge base (to be a good writer you have to read, you know), and I really need to start reading Atlas Shrugged so I can write a killer essay and get a scholarship in September. Never mind all the good stuff I'd like to do anyway, like practice French, learn the piano, and crochet my afghan. It really doesn't help that my otherwise totally awesome roommate Christina got me hooked on a Japanese anime, "Bleach." There's not enough time for everything! AAH!

Anyway, now you all know my stress. Below is the poem I wrote today, because I know you've all been dying to read it from the first line of this post:

It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring—
Wait—
Why is there an old man?
Why not a young man? Or a woman? Or a child?
That line is so restrictive.

Breathe. I’m over it.

It’s raining, it’s pouring, the old man is snoring—
Wait—
Why does he snore when it rains?
Why doesn’t he sit by the fire, holding his white-haired wife’s hand?
Or finish his homework to Nature’s background music?
The least she can do is watch through the kitchen window as greens grow brighter, reds burn longer, and all colors blend into an ephemeral arbor over her roses.
Surely the little one learns the pleasure of puddle-jumping and the cold eerie surprise of water in one’s boots.

Or maybe it’s raining and pouring because the old man is snoring. Hmm.

What thunderous snores he must make, to be heard above the rain’s roof-tapping.

What manner of Man he must be, to call forth the tears of heaven.

What so many sorrows He must have endured, to know how to wash away the faded green of dying flowers, the bright crimson stain on pure white clothes, and give them new life.

It's hard to see some of the formatting this way but that's okay. I love comments on everything, but if you could, I'd like my readers to respond to a couple questions.
Q 1: Does the switch from comical to serious work? Why or why not? How can I make it better? Did you see this poem going in a different direction? Why?
Q 2: Is there enough imagery and sensory detail in this poem? Why or why not? Any ideas?
Q 3: Any help with poetic techniques in general would be great, specifically internal music.
Q 4: There are a couple of lines that I'm not so sure about right now. If a line doesn't seem to fit, or confuses you, PLEASE tell me. Any ideas for these are especially helpful.

Any other comments are always welcome! Keep your fingers crossed for me that I'll be able to write something again tomorrow!

In Memoriam, F.M. Megan

My horse Megan had to be put down today. She developed a strange form of colic, probably within the last 24 hours, that completely backed up her digestive system. The vet said we would have found her dead this afternoon if we hadn't seen her laying sprawled on the ground in pain and made an emergency visit this morning. She's been my one of my best friends since I was 12, about 8 years. I cried in sympathy a week or two ago when my roommate and her family had to put down her Golden Retriever that they'd had seemingly forever, but you just don't understand it until you've felt it for yourself. My emotions have been close to the top all day. As part of my grieving process I want to share some pictures of her with you.

This was taken soon after we first bought her, when we were both 13. I'm holding her and my brother Rick is sitting on her.

This is actually my riding instructor, RaNae, riding Megan in a Western Pleasure show before we met. Isn't she just beautiful?

This is a photo I took two weeks ago to put with Megan's ad on KSL.com (which is no longer online). For a 20-year-old horse she still had pretty good form. My sister Katie is holding her.

I also think instead of a USU Press memoir (although it's a good idea, and I might come back to it), I'm going to revisit a memoir I wrote as a high school sophomore in my first Creative Writing class. It's about when I first met Megan and our riding lessons together. Since I wrote it when I was 16, it needs work. It's 8 pages long but it's all summary, and it only covers our riding lessons before we bought her, which is one summer out of 8 years. I think there's some room to play with there. My idea is to revise each paragraph or section for detail, description, dialogue, imagery, stories that highlight the ideas or detail, etc, and then I'd like to post some of them here for your enjoyment and critique. Let me know what you think.

How about a memoir of interning at the USU Press?

Does that sound like a good idea to anyone? I interned at the USU Press over spring 2009 semester and I just started another three-credit internship there, which will hopefully end before school starts. I've been thinking a lot about my last post's plea for help in writing inspiration (and I got several comments--thanks!), and I remembered today that one of the example Masters projects on the Emerson College website was a memoir of life in London's publishing houses, and I thought, I could write a memoir of life in a publishing house. I love the USU Press! Since I'm always saying that, why not? The thing is, I'm not sure how valuable such a memoir would be or how many people would be interested in reading it. It probably wouldn't be book-length, but I don't know anything about the market for short memoir/short nonfiction. I know short fiction is usually published in anthologies, either of the author's work or of several authors' work, but I don't think they do that for short nonfiction. Would it be something I could publish in a magazine?

And what things should I include? Of course my first impressions of the place and people, my original goals for each internship, maybe part or all of my five-page essay that I wrote at the end of the first internship to get the credit, talking with John about grad school and increasing my editorial skills. Maybe some things about the culture of the press, like talking endlessly with Sandy (the secretary) about religion, school politics, allergies; the day Michael (the director) came out to my desk, which is on the other side of the small building from the offices that he, Dan (designer), and John (editor) work in, to inform me that I'm supposed to say hello when I come in because otherwise he only hears the door close and thinks there's someone waiting out there. The main thing I suppose would be about the stuff I worked on and the things I learned, but at this point I can't directly quote anything (and wouldn't want to if it's from a book) and I can't really remember any stories to tell from my spring internship. The one about Michael happened on Friday, which is why I remember it.

If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.