Saturday, February 28, 2009

Sorry it's been awhile...

I keep getting headaches that keep me from doing what I love: blogging, facebooking, reading Victorian literature, writing fiction and poetry. I'll try to blog more regularly for my my devoted followers. :) And I'll try to keep myself hydrated, eating and sleeping right, etc so I don't get these stupid headaches.

So I got the Madagascar 2 soundtrack from my little brother and I love most of the music but I haven't even seen the movie yet! But hopefully I'll get to see it in about 3 weeks when my family drives to Portland, OR for my brother's wedding. Yay!

I finished and turned in my Victorian Literature paper but I haven't gotten it back yet. You guys will be one of the first to know the result! I got my test back and I got 4 out of 5 on all four short essays (100% on the other parts!!!) so my final score was 92. I got an A-. And I'm way behind in my reading! We're reading Middlemarch by George Eliot which is really slow and hard to get into because it's a "study of provincial life". Stupid serious novel. Even worse is that I haven't done that most basic and essential of reading skills for English majors: reading with a pencil in hand to mark metaphors and things worthy of discussion and/or essay-writing!!! I'm doing it now but that just slows me down even more. Hopefully Spring Break will be a good catch-up time.

So I have again decided not to type up that surrealist poem that I wrote about a couple posts ago. I probably won't. But today the chapter in the book for my poetry writing class was about writing ecstatic poetry, which was rather erotic and strange and I didn't like it. The exercise was basically a free-write and then cutting out the lines that weren't powerful or musical. It's kind of a random poem:

Sunlight looks orange through my eyelids.

Fanciful lights spreading from the poles—purple, green, yellow—
Beautiful ribbons of Aurora covering the Earth—
We die with our necks craned to see the lights as the colorful
Burning rays destroy us with cancers and strange sunlight.

The personal transportation structure of our country is poisoning it.
But I don’t want to ride the bus, the train, the metal monsters
That trap us together like so many bugs in a fly-trap light.
Bzzt! Another one dead.

The moon bathes me in the music of crickets and a soft white light.

The stars are millions of bubbles floating away—if I stretch out my
Hand far enough I can catch them all without lifting my head
From the pillow—far better than the best fireflies that give only
The yellow light of pure artificiality.

I am warm, laying in the cool grass after a picnic.

Sunlight looks orange through my eyelids.


Told you it was random. If you have ideas and/or opinions for me, leave a comment!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Today...

I finished my essay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I'm not entirely done. I still have to add a conclusion, and revise it for clarity and strong support, and it ends on the 6th page instead of the 5th so there's some cutting to do, but for all intents and purposes I'm done. All the hard thinking has pretty much ended. I just wanted to let everyone know how excited I am to be blogging instead of writing my essay. Remember all those things that I had to remember in order to write this essay? All of that has made it one of the most difficult essays I've ever written. But I still love being an English major. Occasionally I look at the requirements for other majors, and some of those classes sound like fun, but there's just no way in the world I would ever switch my major. If I changed anything it would be my Creative Writing emphasis (which I would hypothetically trade for Literary Studies) but I only have a year of that left so I might as well finish. And I am learning a lot.

I haven't written anything for my story yet. Yikes! I'm hoping to get at least 8 pages done tomorrow before my student-instructor conference on Wednesday.

I still haven't read any Jane Eyre this weekend, and it doesn't look like it'll happen for another week or so because I have to write this 20 page story and I have poetry homework to do and I'll have to start reading a Victorian novel. Think the length of most Charles Dickens books and I have to read that between now and the end of the semester in April. Which I guess isn't that bad except that this novel was originally published in sections over the course of a year, so Victorians had some time to delve deeply into the book.

So I realized I keep talking about my 20 page story #2 but I haven't said anything about story #1. That was a 10 page requirement and I wrote about an art history graduate on a tour of Italy (she told us to write about a gutsy topic and mine was a travelogue--lame I know). The thing I want to talk about though isn't the actual story but the workshop. I had to print 20 copies of this story for everyone to read, so everyone wrote comments on their copies and gave them back to me, so now I have this 1-inch thick stack of papers to go through whenever I find time to revise the story. The only good thing about that workshop was that they told me what I did well--apparently I describe scenes really well and observe characters--which was great for me since I by the time we workshopped mine I was convinced it was a crappy work of fiction. But I still don't know if I'll ever be able to revise the story because the stack of comments is really intimidating.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

I'm running out of ideas for titles

So I haven't gotten to any Jane Eyre yet this weekend; maybe I'll do some of that later today. I pretty much haven't done anything that I said I would do over the weekend except brainstorming my essay for Dr. McCuskey's Victorian Literature class. It's supposed to be 4-5 pages, ending somewhere on the 5th page; I've only answered half of the question and I'm already on page 4. This sounds bad, but really it's a good thing because it means I can cut out all the crappy support for my first point and only keep the strong stuff. The hard part is that I have to keep multiple points in my head all at once: the first half of the question (the half that I have brainstormed and written some of) asks me to talk about content--not language--and how the author of the work (Eliot, Prelude to Middlemarch) complicates and challenges patriarchal views of women's roles, and I have to remember that Eliot is trying to change readers' views of women and readers' views of books about women, and I have to remember how all this is related to the main female character of the actual novel and how it won't be a silly novel about silly subjects, AND I have to prove my point. You think having every paragraph link back to the thesis is hard--try to make everything you say do all of that, all at once. I love being an English major. I was actually having a difficult time emotionally the other day, so I brainstormed and wrote part of my essay to distract myself. It worked fabulously well. I know I'm in the right place (and I feel much better now, since I know you were wondering).

And we did watch movies during our pity party yesterday! My Big Fat Greek Wedding was funny, and cute. I don't know that I'd ever watch it again but I did enjoy it. I didn't expect the ending to show her with a daughter. And I could never live next door to my parents; I love them but it poses too many issues. Everybody Loves Raymond, anyone?

Return to Me was also funny and cute. The old men make that movie, like Scrat made Ice Age. I liked the portrayal of human-animal relationships, and the music was good. If anybody ever finds a real Irish-Italian restaurant, let me know so we can go check it out.

I found a book that everyone ought to read: To Draw Closer to God. It's a collection of discourses by President Henry B. Eyring, and it is fabulous (can anybody tell what my new favorite word is?). I have learned so much about my own testimony and how to be a better daughter of God, and it has helped me through the reason for my emotional difficulty alluded to earlier. I'm borrowing it from my roommate right now, but as soon as I finish (which will probably be this week), I'm running straight over to Deseret Book and getting my own copy for around $7-8 so I can read it again and mark it up. My Institute teacher told us that the Prophet Joseph Smith said something like, "The reason God doesn't give the Saints more revelation is because they don't value his words enough to record them." So I need my own copy to mark up and make notes in. I imagine it will be a great resource for giving talks.

While we're on the topic of religion, Dr. McCuskey said something really interesting in one of our discussions about Tennyson's "In Memoriam" and the Victorian crisis of faith: "Science and religion are both exercises of imagination in the absence of certainty." What an interesting concept, that the same things can be proven by either/both science and/or faith, and that two things we believe as certain could actually be imagined. I personally think they're both certain, but it feels like imagination because they don't always agree. Anyway. Can anybody tell how much I love Dr. McCuskey?

P.S. Check out my updated bookshelf to the left! I added some of my favorite things that we've read in Victorian Literature.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Victorian Literature test was today! I don't know what was wrong with me today--I was fine in Institute this morning--but by the time I got to RBW 306 my left eye was partially blind, like the snowy stuff on a TV with bad reception. I had no peripheral vision; I probably wasn't safe to drive. A fervent prayer five minutes before class replaced the blindness with a pounding headache but at least I could read the exam questions and get home safely to crawl in my bed.

Anyway, the test: I love Dr. McCuskey's tests. He designs them to help me pass. There were 20 quotations we had to match to authors, but the quotations were all examples I could use to answer the four short essay questions. We criticized the effects of industrial capitalism using three authors (I used Charles Dickens, Friedrich Engels, and Thomas Carlyle), female education/female role of "angel in the house" using three authors (I used Caroline Norton, John Stuart Mill, and Elizabeth Barrett Browning), the idea of the gentleman using two authors (I used Robert Browning and Christina Rossetti), and Tennyson's illustration of and attempts to reconcile the conflict between science and faith, which means we all had to use "The Kraken" and "In Memoriam". Even with the headache I think I did pretty good. Now I must use the long weekend to write the essay! Ahh!

On a totally different note, I met with Dr. McCuskey yesterday to discuss literary criticism, since I want to improve that kind of writing and increase my portfolio of it. The whole point of the discussion was for me learn how to be flexible in my writing. It was a fabulous meeting: he had great ideas of other professors I can contact for more specific information; he directed me to three magazines that I can use to learn more about how popular critics write (for your information, they are the New Yorker, Harpers, and Atlantic Monthly, and I've only ever heard of one of them); and he explained the different kinds of literary criticism so I can decide what I want to write. I don't think I'm much interested in academic literary criticism because you basically have to go to grad school and become an English professor so you can do it full-time. He told me not to sell myself short on the idea of going to grad school; apparently he thinks I could do it. Yay for encouraging teachers! Probably not, though. What I really need to do is talk to a fellow student of mine named Trent, who's really on top of presenting and trying to publish his work. If I could get published before May 2010 (when I will graduate), that would be a very cool thing. I need to email some of the other professors to talk about nonfiction and literary/cultural reviewing, although I know very little about nonfiction because I haven't taken my Nonfiction Writing class yet. Anyway. More stuff to do.

I thought I might post my surreal poem I mentioned in my last post, but I don't want to type it all up. It will be an excuse to blog later.

While we're talking about writing, I have a draft of my 20-page story due for a student/teacher conference on Wednesday and I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ANYTHING YET!!!!! I actually have this totally random idea (thanks to Ellie for helping me think this through) to write about an existential character. The point would be to make fun of her; I really want to write something funny, but I honestly have no ideas other than this one. The prompts my professor emailed me haven't helped (true, I haven't tried them, but still). I'm a little concerned about writing an existential character because I don't really like existentialism, the story would be totally inside her head and how do I make her interesting/entertaining to follow? Especially for 20 pages? The idea is basically to have her sitting in a window seat and watching significant events in others' lives; the funny/satiric part would probably come from the totally random things she worries/thinks about immediately after the significant event. The only two existential things I've ever read to help me with this are The Stranger, which I suppose could actually happen but it was totally random and the narrator/main character was so not clued in to life; and The Metamorphosis, which was just plain weird. Both characters in these books worried about random things that really had nothing to do with what was happening around them. I almost want to discuss the lack of religion generally inherent in existentialism, but I don't know how to make fun of the associated emptiness. Any ideas?

On another totally random note, my internship at USU Press is AMAZING FABULOUS and WONDERFUL!!! I do things like compare old and new copies of a work to make sure the changes have been made, double-check page numbers and citations, accept changes on document in MS Word, proofreading, making copies, merging documents, etc. To most people this sounds really boring (and part of my mind does get bored with it very quickly, which is why I love my iPod) but I have discovered that this job is exactly what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. My top career choice used to be an editor in a fiction publishing company, which I think I would still love, but that kind of editing is more thematic and organizational, whereas being an editor in a university press or scholarly publication seems to be more double-checking the research and organization of the argument so that it makes sense. Just a different kind of thinking I suppose. I might also spend the rest of my life writing literary criticism; I do enjoy it and it would make me more flexible as a writer and editor, but I'm concerned about the job security of writing in general. On the other hand, there's always a need for good editors. And just because the economy seems to be taking a downturn doesn't mean research will end.

I was probably going to say something else--every time I start blogging I always have more to say than originally planned--but I don't remember. More blogging later. Hopefully I can read some Jane Eyre this weekend (Mason has just left Thornfield after being attacked supposedly by Grace Poole), write about an existential character, brainstorm an essay, write my poetry homework, learn more about literary criticism, and have some fun. And watch a movie to talk about! My roomies and I are supposed to watch Return to Me and My Big Fat Greek Wedding in celebration of Singles Awareness Day, neither of which have I seen all the way through. I'll keep you posted (no pun intended).

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Thursday February 5

Today was a good day.

I love my LDS Institute class--Book of Mormon 2. We talked about Ether 3 and the inherent dilemma and how to wrap our heads around it. I love classes where I actually learn something. I didn't ever really want to take a BOM class because I feel like we hear about it all the time, but this is different. I will be taking classes from Brother Patty till I die.

I love my Victorian Literature class (which is really called Period Studies and is based on the professor's expertise, so I'll just call it by what we're studying). I love Dr. McCuskey's engaging lectures and half-serious jokes and half-joking deep thoughts. I even love how he knows my name and usually I prefer to hide somewhere in the middle of the classpeople. I raised my hand today to voice an idea about the topic we're writing our paper on (due in two weeks--aah!) and he held his head with one hand and said, "I'm not holding my head because I'm disappointed--I'm holding it trying to keep the top of my head from coming off." Apparently it was a great idea and he liked it. Yay for voicing comments!! Plus we had a great discussion of possible interpretations of the topic question, and a great discussion of science and religion in Tennyson's "The Kraken". We didn't get to "In Memoriam A.H.H." which is 20 pages long, but we'll talk about that on Tuesday I suppose.

I love my Poetry Writing class--but just for today because WE DIDN'T HAVE CLASS!!!!!! I feel bad that Shanan's grandfather died (she was gone for his funeral) but all I had to do was hand in my assignment to the appropriate person. I got to spend an hour and fifteen minutes talking to my friend Mikey, who's also in my Advanced Fiction Writing class. He is an amazing person, we have a lot in common, and I'm really excited that I'm getting to know more people this semester than I ever have before since leaving home.

So my homework poem for last night was strangely surreal but I just remembered that it was in my notebook, which I had to turn in today, so I can't reproduce it here. Bummer. Here's one that I really like though, written as homework earlier this week:

The Desk

The dull scratched wood had fueled a decade of creativity and academia—
Favorite pens had carved owners’ names on the side
by the wall

Blunt scissors, yellowed paper, bent staples,
and dried-out markers filled
it like dead coals

The sparks of genius once fanned had long since gone out—
In the world they were extinguished
by other flames

And the desk had been smothered—
shoved into an icy corner—
left dark and cold


Let me know what you think.

I also actually enjoyed my Sci/Tech class today. I didn't have a lot of fun actually participating in the debate with my group but listening to debates about human and animal cloning and adult and embryotic stem cell research was tons more interesting than listening to a presentation on one of those topics. My group presents next on Tuesday--blaahh--on technologies of modern society or some broad topic like that. So I'm researching cell phones and teleconferencing/skype stuff. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zPzeCcoXZjA&NR=1 is a really funny video about the hands-free while driving law recently passed in California (why does everyone care that it's in California? several other states have passed similar laws). Another funny one is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLCY9eBa5r0&feature=related . If you hurry you can vote for which one you think should be in my mini presentation. Just comment below!

(if someone figures out how to put the actual Youtube video on my blog so you can just hit "play" instead of opening up a new window, would they please let me know so that at some totally random time in the future I can make this easier for my unnumbered readers)